Murder, Haircut and Shave by William De Lisle Read online

  Mammoth Detective, May, 1943

  IRZA HUSSEIN came to Isfahan in

  the road. That was because he was so great a

  the cool of afternoon. He was on

  drinker of blood that it was unsafe to trust him M ass-back; Coral, his man slave, with edged tools. So Hussein declared. Coral walked. Hussein’s mount had started at Shiraz was a kind of Abyssinian, of the color of

  as a tolerable cob, and had undergone certain stewed tea with a dash of milk in it. Mirza

  metamorphoses on the way. At Surmeh Hussein was Persian, handsome, dreamy-eyed Hussein had sold the cob and bought a pony.

  and athletic. His attire was rich. The brown

  The difference in price had kept the party of shawling of his frock-coat was a little worn, three in bread and fodder as far as Yezdikhast.

  but no sensible man sports his best when

  At Yezdikhast the pony was exchanged for a

  traveling. The patches on his baggy red

  little ass and the price of food for the three to breeches were marvels of art, creditable to the Isfahan. Hussein sat far back on the ass. When industry of Coral. His boots were the weak

  he sat forward his toes scraped the ground.

  spot, but the ingenious plan of splashing them But at least he escaped the lowest depth of

  judiciously with mud at the start of each day’s Persian degradation, which is walking. journey kept the shabbier spots in the Hussein and his slave-man, you must background. The saddle-bags before him were understand, made a living out of the art of

  fat.

  keeping up appearances.

  At the caravanserai they made such a

  Coral wore a decent livery, but not the

  fuss about securing the best room that nobody cutlass that a Persian servant should sport on would have dreamed of asking them for cash

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  payment for anything at the inn shop. In the

  “Sell the ass! What would my friend

  best room, a cubby-hole opening on the Fazl Ali think of a man who has to walk? That common court, Coral arranged the baggage to

  was a cold speech, Coral. Have we no spare

  make the best possible show from outside. He

  gear?”

  spread out Hussein’s only carpet, and the

  “Hazret, we have a sufficiency of

  Mirza laid himself along the middle of it to

  clothes to hide our nakedness. Otherwise—”

  conceal the scrap of unswept floor revealed by Coral put two fingers in his mouth, sucked

  the central hole. Then Coral massaged his

  noisily, and held them up. They were

  owner, smacking and punching him and understood to represent the state of his master cracking his joints.

  and himself if it were necessary to change

  Said Hussein: “Fazl Ali, the only their raiment. “The bags are full of stones and friend of my youth with whom we have not

  leaves, Hazret,” he concluded.

  lately lived for a month or two or borrowed

  something from, is an Isfahani, and a HUSSEIN, past master in the art of keeping merchant at that. I have spoken.”

  up appearances, at once decided against

  Said Coral: “It is well said, Hazret, that

  selling the saddle-bags. “We must arrive as

  beside an Isfahan! merchant an Erzeroumi is

  though fresh from a journey,” he said,

  as open-handed as Hatim Tai’s self.”

  “otherwise there will be no excuse for travel Said Hussein: “There spoke Asaf! stains. And to arrive from a journey without Now, boutcha, let us consider how to saddle-bags—implying, O shameful slander!

  approach an Isfahani who is also a merchant.

  that we possess not so much as a change of

  Were one to approach with open hand and

  raiment— Penah be Khuda, it will not do!

  say: ‘O friend, lend to one who approaches

  What about selling thee, Coral?”

  with the steps of supplication in the shoes of Coral went green. “Kourbanut-i-necessity,’ what is likely, please Allah, to be shuma! ” he gasped. “I am your sacrifice, the answer?”

  Hazret, but selling me would take time. And,

  “Hazret, it is likely to be: ‘ Allah

  Hazret, where would you find such another

  Kerim! ’” Coral used the intonation sacred to slave as your poor Coral?”

  choking off a beggar.

  He kissed Hussein’s feet. Hussein

  “Even so, Coral. One must approach

  laughed. “Be content, Coral. The skin is

  with a long nose and a careless air. To him

  nearer than the shirt, and between the two

  who hath, or appeareth to have, is always

  cometh the slave. I have yet a shirt. Take it to given. So hath Allah decreed: He is merciful

  the nearest broker.”

  and compassionate! Now, Coral, I have

  He picked up the garment. “Wash it

  ascertained that my friend Fazl Ali is absent first, Coral,” he added prudently.

  from the city and will not return for several All hinged on that little sentence. Coral

  days. In the meanwhile we must eat. Is there

  proceeded to wash the shirt in the ten-by-ten aught in the treasury?”

  tank in the common- court, where all the inn

  “Hazret, my shirt-pockets are full of

  guests cleansed their clothes and their children gold.”

  and themselves and their animals, besides

  Thus, humorously, replied Coral, who

  drawing water for drinking and religious

  did not possess the garment in question.

  ablutions. And as he rinsed and wrung, an

  “Then, Coral, we must sell acquaintance passed through the court. The something.”

  acquaintance was confidential slave to an

  “The ass, Hazret?”

  Isfahan grandee: he had only looked in with a

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  3

  message to his master’s banker and would not

  and the Shirazi cameleer were replaced by a

  have seen Coral but for the washing. He brace of Kurdish chieftains. At the entrance of invited Coral to a party that night. There the avenue leading to the Shah Abbass Bazaar would be a few old cronies, the place was an

  a beautifully dressed fop rushed in and

  empty house neighbored by empty houses,

  relieved the footman. The Turkoman joined

  formality would be absent. When Coral had

  the crowd behind, the other three went their

  sold the shirt he bought a square yard of

  way. The procession galloped down the

  bread, a skewer of meat and a string of dried avenue.

  apricots for Hussein’s supper, and asked leave It was hard going, with the sky above

  to go and get drunk. Hussein gave leave and a unshaded by clouds and culminating in a sun

  benison.

  nearly white with heat. The dust churned up,

  Coral repaired to the empty house, the

  head-high. A little way along the avenue the

  neighbor of empty houses, soon after dusk. He fop was smitten with an idea.

  was the first to arrive and the first to leave.

  “Where, please Allah, be we bound,

  And he was sober; a man with so much on his

  Brother?” He asked the Kurd under the other

&nbs
p; mind that nothing could make him drunk.

  aft corner.

  The Kurd opened his eyes. “Why,

  NEXT forenoon, about the time the please Allah, to the corpse-washing-house of congregations were pouring out of the the parish, I suppose,” he returned.

  mosques after Namez-i-Chast, a funeral

  “Thou supposest, Brother?” repeated

  cortege trotted past the Mosque of Lutfulah, at the fop.

  the north-east side of Isfahan’s main square.

  “Please Allah, we be strangers in

  It consisted of a bier and a rabble. The

  Isfahan, my brother and I. We have no

  bier was borne by four: a long-faced Shirazi

  knowledge of the lay of its several quarters.”

  cameleer at one corner, at the others a Hindu

  “Verily, Isfahan is half the world,

  Mollah, a greasy Turkoman chief, and a smart

  saving Lahore,” the fop agreed. “But, brother, footman of the Prince-Governor’s household.

  I took thee for the kin of the dead.”

  They ran as hard as they could; that was from

  “My brother and I but seek to acquire

  pure kindheartedness and to acquire merit in

  merit by helping along the dead. From the

  the next world.

  Percussion of the Grave and the Questioning

  Carrying a corpse is the one thing over

  of the Grave may Allah Almighty deliver

  which no Persian dawdles. No respectable him!”

  funeral travels slower than a canter. The

  “Amin!” responded the fop. “But who

  reason is that the two angels who wait to

  is directing this?” He hailed the assistant-

  cross-examine the deceased about his religious executioner: “Where be we bound, Brother?”

  tenets directly he is in the grave get impatient The little official twisted his head to

  if they are kept waiting. Naturally they take it answer back. “By Allah, I know not. I was at

  out on the deceased.

  point of asking thee, Brother. Art thou not kin Several of the congregation from the

  of the dead?”

  Lutfulah Mosque slipped their shoulders under

  “By thy salt, no!”

  the bier and helped it on a little way, thus

  The assistant-executioner bawled to

  doing a virtuous act. At a corner of the square the crowd: “Who is kin of the dead among ye?

  the Hindu grew tired and surrendered his Let him stand forth!”

  corner to one of the Chief Executioner’s

  There was no response. Only the cry:

  underlings. A little further on the Turkoman

  “Kin of the dead, stand forth!” passed from

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  4

  rank to rank.

  was to bury the body and cease worrying

  The four bearers stopped and eyed one

  about the affair.

  another around the corners of the bier. “I take On them descended lightning out of a

  refuge with Allah from Satan the clear sky. The Prince-Governor of Isfahan Everlastingly Stoned!” said the fop uneasily.

  would have the investigation pursued to the

  end. If those murderers were not found within THEY put the burden down. The assistant-a reasonable time every official concerned

  executioner instituted an inquiry. Nobody would lose his billet and eat sticks. Too many knew anything about the corpse, but unsolved mysteries had happened in Isfahan somebody suggested its instant conveyance

  lately, said the Prince-Governor. He did not

  before the Ketkhoda of the ward. It was, add that he was curious to learn the facts of it.

  therefore, taken up again by the four bearers, Now search commenced vigorously.

  deposited before the Ketkhoda’s gate, and the Spies and busybodies dragooned the city. The

  Ketkhoda summoned. The result of his three suspects remained in jail, and the Chief investigation was clinching. The body was

  of Police took on himself the task of fixing the that of a coarse-faced, oldish man. In the side guilt on them if they did not bribe heavily

  of the chest was a stab, neatly washed and

  enough.

  hidden by the shroud, which explained his

  That evening Hussein remarked to

  death. Everyone turned eyes of suspicion on

  Coral: “My heart is tightened and mine eyes

  the four bearers.

  are yellow with regret, Coral. To think that so

  “By Al Aziz, I am guiltless!” cried the

  fine an orange should be placed in our hands

  four in chorus.

  and we should fear to squeeze it.”

  It was perfectly plain. The murderers

  “Belike, Hazret,” agreed Coral, “the

  had borne the bier forth a little way, and had juice might prove too sour.”

  sneaked off, one by one, as new bearers had

  “Who so seeks to guide the feet of

  taken their places. How far it had come and

  Justice has to be careful lest he planteth one when, Allah alone knew. The Kurds and the

  on his own neck,” said Hussein. “I see no

  fop were straightaway arrested by the chance of a profit anywhere, so it is well to assistant-executioner; and the crowd, corpse

  keep aside.”

  and suspects were marched in search of the

  And he groaned. There should have

  nearest police officials.

  been a commission in the business that had

  been placed in his hands, but he saw more

  ALL the officialdom of Isfahan tried its teeth likelihood of jail unless he kept strictly out of on the case in vain. The one certain fact was it.

  that the fop and the Kurds were put in jail.

  “The prisoners, Hazret?” said Coral.

  There was no clue to the perpetrators of the

  “They would promise, but how to

  crime; the victim could not be identified, make them pay?”

  though half the city came to try. The progress of the funeral could be traced back to the

  EARLY the next morning Hussein went for a

  southeast side of the main square, and no

  stroll in the Shah Abbass Bazaar. He spoke

  further. The somewhat tactless move of with an acquaintance, and directly after betook imprisoning the last set of bearers discouraged himself to the jail in a manner that just

  others who had assisted in the carrying from

  escaped hurry. He was allowed to interview

  giving evidence. By evening prayer-time the

  all three prisoners. The Kurds offered five

  officials gave it up. The best thing, they said, hundred tomauns between them, the fop two

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  hundred. The understanding was that the sums

  anyone.

  would be paid to the discoverer of the real

  At noon a spy came around to report

  culprits when the victims were let loose. Hussein’s transactions in the jail. It looked Hussein was satisfied with a plain written

  joyfully suspicious. The chief sent a

  agreement from the fop, who was a local man,

  messenger at once to Hussein’s inn.

  but from the Kurds he extracted a Cursing

  A nervous man was Coral as he

  Letter after this fashion:

  saddled the ass and received orders to stay and

  “. . . If we fail to keep this promise,

  mind his master’s gear. Hussein went on his

  may Allah curse our mother and father, our

  way cheerfully, and was received in private

  sisters and our children. And may He smite us audience by
the great man.

  with sickness.”

  Sohreb Khan was a huge man, with the

  Which arrangement, on the face of it,

  fat face of a vicious child behind a man’s

  was foolish. The local man could easily refuse beard, the pig-eyes of cunning cruelty, and the to pay a mere stranger; the Kurds would pay,

  swelled forehead vein of implacable temper.

  but had not promised not to take their money

  “Dost imagine, friend, that a sparrow

  back later.

  drops a feather in Isfahan and I know it not?”

  Then Hussein went back to the inn and

  he asked. “It is not so, Mas’llah! What thou

  demanded from Coral what money remained

  didst in the jail but two hours agone is known from the sale of the shirt. He counted the

  to me. It seems, friend, that thy knowledge of coppers. “Enough to buy us both a good this crime is extensive.”

  midday meal, boutcha,” he said.

  “I take refuge with Allah from Satan

  “I have arranged it to buy us meals for

  the Stoned!” returned Hussein. “Do you

  three days, until your rich friend is home,

  imply, Saheb, that I had something to do with Hazret,” Coral replied, a little worried by an the crime? Not I, by Al-Aziz! Though, to be

  unusual glint in his master’s eyes.

  sure, I know of three of the burned-feathered

  “Thou wilt expend it on a belt-

  ones who committed it.”

  stretching meal for us both, I. No need for

  “How canst thou know of the criminals

  doling when by Night Prayer we shall own a

  if thou hadst nothing to do with the crime?”

  hundred tomauns. A hundred tomauns, Coral,

  asked Sohreb Khan.

  furnished by one Sohreb Khan, the Chief of

  “Why, please Allah, I learned of them