When Oscar Went Wild by W Read online

  Adventure, July, 1916

  EN MERTON and Sig Watson had

  mand a-tall. Sabe? ”

  spent the night in Piperock and of a

  “Always misunderstood,” mumbled

  R consequence were in no shape to Ren. “Th’ human race ain’t never understood appreciate the beauties of the dewy morn, as me. Mother misunderstood me; father follered their horses picked their way up the trail to the suit, and now you—Siggie, my old pal—you top of Overwhich ridge.

  turns on me.”

  “Them Piperock fellers play poker like

  “Misunderstood!” Sig turned in his

  I sing,” stated Sig, as they pulled up their saddle and gazed reflectively at his partner.

  mounts for a breathing spell. “They gits their

  “Ren Merton, if you was ever entered fer th’

  words and music so mixed that nobody knows human race you shore was scratched. Yore what they’re tryin’ to do. They’re uh success, nose ain’t right—too long. Yuh got uh bad though.”

  case uh squints in both uh yore eyes, and yore Ren removed his sombrero with an

  mouth, which was cut too wide in th’ first exaggerated flourish and, lifting himself in his place, ain’t shrunk none a-tall. Shoulders?

  stirrups, broke forth in a shrill falsetto: Say, I sometimes wonder how comes it that

  “Nobode-e-e-e knows how dry I am.”

  yore collar don’t slip down and trip yuh. Also,

  “Shut

  up!”

  yore right foot is where yore left ought to be.”

  “Mama mine, he won’t let me sing,”

  “Pickled

  prairie-dogs, that’s right!”

  wailed Ren. “I lost jist as much as he did and agreed Ren. “I reckon I shore must a been m’ head aches jist as hard and he won’t let m’

  muddled this mawnin’ when I puts on m’

  sing. What do yuh know about that!”

  boots.”

  “Jist don’t sing, that’s all,” replied Sig.

  “And also yore hair——”

  “You can say all th’ funny things yuh wants to

  “You stops at hair!” exploded Ren.

  to yoreself, but I’m right here to remark that

  “Mebby I’ve got red hair and mebby she runs singin’—yore kind uh singin’—ain’t in de-uh little to th’ rusty shade, but I’ll be danged if

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  any feller with fat eyebrows, buffalo-horn cougar had barely touched his belly to the mustache and bow legs can taunt me with th’

  ground when Ren’s .45 started to spout death fact. Take uh look in th’ glass and you’ll see and destruction.

  that you ain’t no one-to-ten shot in this race Two of the heavy slugs tore through its

  yoreself, Sig.”

  neck, and the cougar tied itself in a snarling, Sig grunted and turned back. The spitting knot and rolled over dead. When the horses seemed to start by mutual consent and last shot was fired Ren’s horse was nearly plodded off down the hogback.

  over the body of the cougar and Ren was

  “I’ve knowed uh lot uh people,” shoving fresh shells into the gun.

  remarked Sig, “who thought they had red hair, The girl looked at Ren in a dazed sort

  but——”

  of a way for a moment and then in a tired little He pulled up his horse.

  voice remarked—

  “Wasn’t that a voice, Ren?”

  “That wasn’t Oscar.”

  “I reckon not—not uh human one

  “No, ma’am,” agreed Ren foolishly.

  anyway. Go on and finish yore remarks about

  “That shore wasn’t Oscar.”

  hair.”

  “What

  happened?”

  asked a deep bass

  “I tell yuh I heard somebody yell!”

  voice, and Ren turned in his saddle; behind declared Sig. “It was jist over that ridge, and him stood a florid-faced person in a green-I’m goin’ to see who it was.”

  corduroy suit and panama, and behind him a narrow-shouldered, sharp-faced man in

  HE SPURRED his horse into a gallop and Ren knickerbockers.

  followed at his heels. They crossed the ridge

  “What happened, I asked?” repeated

  and swung down into an open timbered swale, the florid one.

  interspersed with clumps of willows and jack-

  “It wasn’t Oscar,” stated the girl for

  pines.

  the third time.

  There they saw her. She was tied to a

  “Well, what was it, then?” queried the

  tree and seemed to be exerting every muscle sharp-faced man.

  to get loose. She was dressed in a faded calico

  “I kept grinding until this cowboy

  dress and her dark-brown hair tumbled in person butted in and spoiled it.”

  confusion about her half-bare shoulders.

  “Did you quit then?” roared the florid

  The sight of her was a shock to the

  one. “By Jupiter! You lost a fine chance for punchers and they threw their broncos back on some real stuff. But what happened to Oscar, their haunches at the sight. The girl didn’t see and where in the world did this other lion them, and after the first gasp of surprise they come from?”

  sat there and stared at her.

  “Did it—I say—where did it?”

  Suddenly she shrank back against the

  Another person had joined the crowd.

  tree and screamed—

  He was hatless and garbed in the costume of

  “That’s

  not

  Oscar!”

  the early settler, fringed and beaded buckskin Like a flash of yellow light a scared

  from his toes to his chin, and his face was cougar had bounded out of the willow thicket ashen. He walked up with an uncertain gait near her and crouched low.

  and his breathing gave evidence of recent Ren acted first. While he hadn’t the

  exertion.

  uncanny skill on the draw attributed to the

  “What happened to you, Jack?” asked

  Western gunman, he was deadly when he did the florid one.

  “get his ol’ smoke-wagon unhitched.” The “Why, I—uh—I——”

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  3

  “You met it too, did you?” grinned the

  if there’s anything I can do fer yuh—yuh can thin-faced one, and the fringed one gulped an have that catskin to remember me by.”

  assent.

  She gave him a sweet smile.

  “I was—er—just coming through that

  “I’d love to have it, Mr. Merton. I’ll

  clump of bushes and I met it. You see I— er—

  have one of the men skin it, and every time I thought perhaps that if I ran I could coax it put my foot on that rug I’ll remember you.

  away from the rest of you.”

  I’ve had my life saved many times on the

  “Haw, haw, haw!” roared Sig. “You

  films, but this being the first time in real life, I shore ought to git uh hero medal. Didn’t yuh just don’t know what to say.”

  know that no self-respectin’ cougar would

  “I jist hope yuh won’t forget it,

  chase uh git-up like that?”

  anyway,” laughed Ren.

  Just then two more men came running

  “Do you think you’ll forget it?” she

  down the hill and, seeing the crowd, one of asked.

  them stopped and cupped his hands.

  “Lady,” interrupte
d Sig, “that hombre

  “Mister Norton!” he yelled. “Oscar can forget anything. I’m th’ brains of our slipped his collar and got away!”

  outfit, and if yuh wants an intelligent favor

  “Just my luck!” exclaimed Norton, the

  done, jist ask me. Sabe? ”

  florid one. “Here I bring this bunch way up

  “I don’t know whether you gentlemen

  here to finish that film, and that blamed cat are in earnest or not. Do you mean everything gets away and spoils it all!”

  you say to each other?”

  “Oscar is uh cougar, I takes it,” opined

  “I do,” replied Sig, with a bow, “but

  Ren, rolling a cigarette and looking Mr. Merton here never meant anything he ever admiringly at the girl. “I reckon somebody said. He’s notorious fer jist talkin’. As I orates might as well let th’ lady loose. Cougars bein’

  before, Miss Reynolds, if there is anything I thick, I don’t think it’s safe to tie ladies to can do fer yuh, why——”

  trees anyway.”

  “I do wish we could get Oscar,” she

  One of the men cut the ropes which

  replied reflectively. “There goes poor old bound her, and the thin-faced man recovered Nortie up the hill with a broken heart, and I his camera from the willow thicket.

  know that Jack Markham is awfully put out

  “Miss, I reckon you can have that about it too. You see we’ve simply got to have cougar skin if yuh wants it,” remarked Sig.

  a cougar or we can’t finish the picture. I

  “We ain’t got no use fer it, and if yuh wants it wonder if you could catch Oscar? He’s as I’ll have Ren skin it fer yuh.”

  tame as a kitten and has never been wild. The

  “I am Miss Reynolds,” she replied company raised him—got him from a zoo with a smile. “And I’d love to shake hands when he was a little yellow kitten. I know that with both of you. You gentlemen saved my Mr. Norton would be willing to pay you well life, and I haven’t words to thank you with.”

  if you would catch him.”

  “Don’t mention it, Miss Reynolds,”

  “Miss Reynolds, we ain’t mercenary

  replied Sig. “Little thing like that— why——”

  thataway,” replied Sig. “I ain’t wastin’ no love

  “Slack up yore rope!” rasped Ren. on that Norton person, and I don’t rassel no

  “You never saved anything—not even yore

  cougar fer his money, but if you really wants salary, and now yuh tells, her that it’s uh little that cat, I’m promisin’ it to yuh.”

  thing to save her life.” He leaned over an’ held

  “That’s awfully kind of you,” she

  out his hand. “Miss Reynolds, I’m uh heap cooed. “If you could catch him and bring him glad to meet yuh. My name’s Ren Merton, and back here tomorrow, I could just love you

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  both. Then we could finish that picture. time.”

  Really, he is as tame as a kitten.”

  “We’ll git him,” snapped Sig. “One of

  “Consider him caught,” boasted Sig.

  th’ fellers told me that th’ last they saw of him

  “Me and Ren will bring him to yore house he was lopin’ up th’ trail, and that means he’s tomorrow mawnin’. Uh course I could git him liable to hive up in our cabin. Bein’ as he’s uh alone, but bein’ as Ren is with me I’ll let him house-bred animule, it stands to reason that help.”

  he’s goin’ to hunt human company soon’s he

  “Meanin’,” drawled Ren, “that I ropes

  gits hungry or gits scared of th’ dark. Sabe?”

  that cat and ties him up fer shipment, and Sig Ren nodded and they turned their

  writes th’ address.”

  horses and rode on up the trail to their cabin Miss Reynolds insisted on shaking about two miles away. They unsaddled their hands with both of them again, and her smile horses at the corral and then laid down on left them both unable to roll a cigarette.

  their bunks for a much-needed rest.

  “We’re living in those cabins up there

  It was almost dark when Ren awoke

  in the pines,” she explained, “and probably and looked around the cabin. Sig was gone.

  will be there for a few days. You can bring Ren got up and was lazily pulling on his boots him right up there.”

  when Sig came in with a hammer in his hand

  “Yes’m,” they both replied, and and a smile on his face.

  watched her skip up the hill in the wake of the

  “Th’ sleek hare sleeps while th’ sly fox rest of the party.

  schemes,” he quoted dramatically. “I reckon About half-way to the top she stopped

  I’ve laid uh trap fer Oscar.”

  and threw them a kiss, and then danced out of He hung up the hammer and went out

  sight in the jack-pines.

  again. A few moments later he was back of the cabin fumbling with the one window.

  REN rolled a fresh smoke and studied Sig’s

  “Help me take this thing out, Ren!” he yelled.

  rapt expression from under his hat brim.

  Ren removed the nails from the inside

  Suddenly he broke into song——

  and Sig removed the window and threw in the

  “And that’s what made th’ wildcat end of his lariat rope.

  wild.”

  “What’s th’ idea?” asked Ren.

  “Meanin’ which?” demanded Sig.

  Sig grinned and coiled up the rope.

  “Oscar,” chuckled Ren. “Don’t yuh

  “Cougar trap. I got this rope fixed so’s see, Sig? Them velvet optics made Oscar——

  that when th’ cougar gits inside of th’ shed, all

  ”

  we got to do is to pull on th’ rope and th’ door

  “Listen,” snapped Sig. “Confine yore

  shuts. There’s uh quarter uh venison in th’

  humor to somethin’ else. I don’t sit here shed and I’m bettin’ that Oscar falls fer it, inactive and hear yuh slander them eyes none Ren. What do yuh think about it?”

  whatever. Sabe? I’m backin’ th’ lady’s play—

  “Sig, yore uh wonder! I’m bettin’ that

  me.”

  you’ve already deduced how to tie him up

  “Me and you both,” replied Ren after we gits him inside. I shore honors and seriously. “But did yuh ever stop to consider respects yuh, old timer, and as uh special mark that you gits so danged conceited when uh of respect I allows yuh to prepare our evenin’

  female person speaks to yuh that yuh promises meal. I’m so hungry I could eat Oscar, I to do anything? Cougars ain’t woodchucks nor reckon.”

  snowshoe rabbits, and I’m thinkin’ aloud that Three hours later they sat humped up

  you’ve gone plumb out of yore class this on their bunk and watched the door of the

  When Oscar Went Wild

  5

  shed, a splotch of black in the half moonlight, that me and you were afraid of her pet, eh?”

  and prayed that the cougar would come before

  “I’d rather be uh live coward than uh

  they lost too much sleep.

  dead hero,” stated Ren. “There ain’t no honor

  “Don’t light that cigarette here,” in th’ grave fer me. I got an idea though.

  cautioned Ren. “Go back near th’ door. If that Mebby she’s good and mebby again she

  cat saw th’ light he’d never show up.”

  ain’t.”

  Sig tiptoed to the front of the cabin and

  “Shoot.”

  sat down on a box. Ren sat by the window for

  “I’ll unfasten th’ door and let her open a few minutes and then joined Sig.

  jist a little ways. Sabe? Th’ cat will try to

  �
��Give me yore papers and I’ll roll one,

  come out and I’ll slam th’ door shut when he’s too. I reckon it’s uh little too early fer Oscar to half-ways out an’ all you has to do is to put show up yet.”

  two ropes on him. You take one and I’ll take They smoked in silence for a while and

  th’ other and Mr. Oscar is plumb helpless.”

  then sneaked back to the window. Sig took

  “Uh ha,” agreed Sig. “That’s uh hy-in

  one long look at the door and then threw scheme—if you holds him.”

  himself backward and heaved on the rope. The

  “Aw ——, Sig, he’s tame! I’ll hold

  door shut with a bang and an unearthly yelp him. All you got to do is to slip th’ two ropes split the stillness of the night.

  on him and give me one. Sabe?”

  “Got him!” whooped Sig. “I seen his

  eyes and slammed that old door right in his SIG went to the corral and brought back two face! Whoopee!”

  ropes. He held the nooses handy while Ren

  “Good work!” exclaimed Ren. “I’ll bet

  removed the bar. He opened the door an inch Oscar is plumb scared to death right now.”

  at a time and braced himself for the rush.

  “Not any he ain’t. Oscar’s uh tame

  “Come on out, Oscar,” pleaded Sig.

  cougar and, while he may display uh little

  “Be uh nice li’l cat and come on——”

  peevishness at first, he’ll be plumb satisfied Oscar came, not sneakingly nor slowly